7:59 Aw damn! Did I miss the pre-show? Pity.
8:00 I'm dead at the parental guidance warning. Welcome to BET.
8:00 So Kanye West is opening the show with "Can't Tell Me Nothing." OK, I can live with this. I'm sure that he was happy as a clam.
8:01 What's up with the liturgical dancers? Whose church did they borrow these chicks from?
8:03 Kanye segued smoothly into "Good Life". The audience is all crunk now.
8:04 Uh oh, did Ye mess up his lyrics? Probably. Moving right along...
- Advertisement -8:05 Someone please explain to me why E-40 is announcing who's gonna be on the show? He is someone who needs to speak as little as possible.
8:06 Oh here comes Katt Williams...in a cart...being pulled by two big girls. Wow, it only took 6 minutes for the ignance to start.
8:07 Katt is at a podium looking a hot crispy mess and "preaching" about hip hop. Lord help me.
- Advertisement -8:07 He has his own amen corner consisting of two chicks on stage with him and a white dude just standing there looking crazy.
8:08 Ha! That joke about Kanye was cute.
- Advertisement -8:10 He is still doing this opening monologue. Mommy, make it stop.
8:11 OK, that joke about Cornel West's hair was funny.
- Advertisement -8:12 LL Cool J is up to present the award for CD of the Year. Let me not drool too much on my keyboard.
8:13 It's a tie? What in tarnation? Common's Finding Forever and T.I.'s T.I. Versus T.I.P. both won.
- Advertisement -8:13
Common is the only winner in the house for obvious reasons. He's very
gracious accepting his award. Did he say it was his first award? That's
a crying shame. Chi-town stand up!
8:19 And we're back from the commercial break with something called the Cipher.
- Advertisement -8:19 Oh snap! Wyclef is spitting some hot fire.
8:20 Twista got next. Can't hate on him.
- Advertisement -8:20 Uh oh, is that Lil Mama? She's trying to hang with the fellas.
8:21 Dizzee Rascal from London is representin.
- Advertisement -8:21 That Cipher wasn't half bad. The same can't be said for he rest of his show.
8:22 Time for Lil Wayne's performance. Time for a smoke break. Oh, I don't smoke. DAMN!
8:25 Jermaine Dupri and Keyshia Cole are up to present the Move the Crowd award. Who came up with these random categories? Oh, that's right, BET.
8:26 Aw shucks! Kanye won the award!
8:26 Kanye: "You know I like winning." Like a baby loves the breast, Ye.
8:28 David Banner in now on stage looking all swole. He's making a speech and making very little sense.
8:29
No he didn't say that "be like a pimp but address Congress like
a president"? Did he watch the same Congressional hearings that I did?
8:29 Banner: "Ain't a damn thing wrong with hip hop other than bootleggers and Limewire." Oh really, Levell Crump?
8:29 Levell pulled out a MIihael Vick jersey and showed him love. The crowd went bananas. Is it that deep?
8:33 And we're back from commercial. Hey, what happened to the Cipher?
8:33 Time for Nelly's performance. He's debuting a song. Oh joy.
8:34 Um, this song SUCKS. Please go back in the lab and try a little harder. Thanks, The Management.
8:35 Who is this child on stage poppin her 10-year-old thang? I am so disgusted.
8:35 Oh my stars, she just dropped down into a split and twerked it. Someone call Child Protective Services.
8:36 Now Nelly is performing another song. Something about letting it go little mama. Too bad she's outside in the Cipher.
8:36 More dancers take the stage--and female drummers? Where are they going with this?
8:37 What is up with this bootleg version of Drumline?
8:38 Wyclef is presenting the Lyricist of the Year Award with Lauren...Lauren London. Nice try, BET. You fooled absolutely no one.
8:39 Common is victorious once again. Go Team Common!
8:40 COMCAST IS TRYING TO DESTROY ME. My freaking cable just went out. What are the chances? Stay tuned, y'all!!
8:57 Um...please excuse my technical difficulties. Looks like we're back on track. Now where was I?
8:57 Wyclef is on stage with a blinged out guitar. That joint looks like it cost more than Haiti's Gross National Product .
8:58 Who are these random negros on here rapping? OK, I recognize DJ Drama on the one's and two's.
9:00 Busta Rhymes is that you? I see he wore black this time around for its slimming properties.
9:01 Free T.I., huh? Ha! That's a good one.
9:01 Hill Harper and Ciara
are on now to present the award for another random category: MVP of the
Year. She's like a foot taller than him. He shoulda worn his heels.
9:02 Lil Wayne wins. And, yes, that is a styrofoam cup in his hand and his kids up on stage with him. Ghetto.
9:07 Why doesn't Michael Eric Dyson just go ahead and drop a rap CD? He got mad lyrics.
9:09 Cee-Lo and Melyssa Ford's
ass are up to present the Best Collaboration award. I feel the sudden
urge to play checkers on Cee-Lo's belly with that jacket he has on.
9:10 UGK and OutKast win for "International Player's Anthem." Good choice.
9:12 Common's next up to perform. He's doing "Driving Me Wild" sans Lily Allen but with dancers dressed like they are from the Love Below Boat.
9:14 OK, that performance was boring. Sorry, Common.
9:15 Who is this Q45 clown? Is that car even hot anymore?
9:20 Dr. Cornel West is now on to pontificate...um, to salute KRS-One.
9:22 Dr. West is way too dramatic for me right now.
9:22 Now they're playing a video montage for KRS. Good stuff.
9:23 Yikes! Times have been hard for MC Shan.
9:25 KRS-One comes up to accept his award and Cornel bows down. This is hilarious.
9:26 I see you Kid Capri. (Capri! Capri!)
9:26 KRS-One wants to put out another Stop the Violence Movement. Now that's a good idea. Let's see if some people can squash their beefs long enough for that to actually happen.
9:31
Why is there a little white dog on the stage? Like in a live animal--not Paris Hilton?
And why is the dog wearing a tie? Wait, now he's wearing a hooded robe.
Where is PETA when you need them?
9:32 Time for a performance by the Player's Circle. Here comes Lil Wayne with his styrofoam cup again. Oh, my bad that's TWO styrofoam cups.
9:34 Ludacris decided to join in on the fun. Yawn.
9:36 106th & Park's Terrence and Rocsi are now on the present the Alltel Wireless People's Champ award. BIG YAWN.
9:37 Lovers Lil Wayne and Birdman win for "Stuntin' Like My Daddy" and bring about 30 people on stage with them.
9:42 Ah yes, the Cipher is back. DJ Premier is wrecking the turntables. Ras Kass is kicking it off.
9:43 Joell Ortiz is a beast.
9:44 Oh snap, this sister named Flo from Guadeloupe is rapping in French.
9:44 Cassidy is spitting some bars. Eh. Not impressed.
9:45 Two of the Jena 6 are now on stage to speak. Looking like a rap group and sounding like they need some reading classes. Wow. Stay in school, fellas.
9:46 They're gonna present the award for Video of the Year with Katt Williams.
9:47 Kanye wins for "Stronger" but now he wants to give his award to UGK. That crazy Kanye.
9:49 Big Boi, Bryan Barber and Bun B
come up to accept Kanye's award only to give it back to him and still
make acceptance speeches. I'm so confused right now. I need a flowchart.
9:54 Oh God. It's time for Soulja Boy's performance of "Crank That Soulja Boy." Jesus be a remote control.
9:55 Why oh why are his dancers wearing capes? Superman that ho indeed.
9:57 Soulja Boy gives BET CEO Debra Lee a big hug. Is What About Our Daughters seeing this??
9:58 This truly is the most ridiculous dance ever. EVER.
9:58 This is the number one song in the country, huh? God bless America.
9:59
HALLELUJAH! This ish is OVER. Thanks for riding with me for another
live-blog (despite the technical difficulties). I will be checking
myself into rehab in the morning.
