Man vs. Machine (Part 4): Welcome to the Quiet Storm

Thumbnail image for tank-rage.jpgWelcome to the fourth installment of "Man vs. Machine" in which I, SoulBounce HNIC, listen to one hour of mainstream urban radio and document my "findings" along with the type of commentary that only your friendly SB editors can provide. Perhaps by the end of this experiment, I will have:

This week, I decided to slow things down a bit by listening after 10pm. Of course this means there's less opportunity for relentless mocking and self-inflicted maiming, but it was hard to recover after the last fiasco in which Our Local Station played the same song twice in one hour.

10:05  Floetry "Say Yes." Don't think for a minute they're stepping out there with this one. They used to play this joint ad nauseum when it came out like it was a Lil' Wayne song.

10:09  And back to reality! Of course they've always shown love to Raheem DeVaughn, but instead of playing Rah's original "Customer," guess which one they go with? If you're thinking the "Peed Piper Remix" you'd be correct. When are these stations going to wise up? "Remix Killa" indeed.

10:13  No diss to you Silk fans out there, but "Meeting in My Bedroom" was about as sexy as waking up in a motel room ripe with the scent of malt liquor and Newports, and it was a cheap imitation of "My Body."

10:18  "Please Don't Go" by Tank. Can't say this wasn't the joint for a split second. No complaints here. More Tank, please!

10:22  Oh no. A relationship talk roundtable. I cannot relate to these wack problems nor do I care. Sorry. Can ya'll play Tank again?

10:28  Commercials. Apparently there's a concert coming up with Soulja Boy, Webby, and their ilk. Yup, all my favorites in one place. Nice! Also, I totally appreciate this ad for the razor bump creme. A brother's skin these days makes the Rocky Mountains look like chiffon velvet.

10:37  And we're back after almost ten minutes, with Keyshia Clone's "I Remember." Don't tell Butta I secretly love this song. It's worth pointing out that if it wasn't
for Keyshia, Our Local Station would barely have any R&B songs to play. Wonder why that is?

10:42  Trey Songz "Last Time." And this would be my first time hearing this. I know these are all slow jams I'm listening to, but altogether this playlist is mad ghetto-ish. I blame Kells. I mean seriously, he dropped the Slow Jam off in the hood and left it there to fester and multiply like an STD.

10:45  So, I might be a little out of touch these days. Who's Ray Lavender? It's not in my spirit to slam a new cat that's actually trying to do R&B, but it's almost as if Trey Songz is still playing.

10:48  OK, just Googled this Ray Lavendar character and his project is executive produced by Akon. Makes sense now that Our Local Station would even give him the time of day. I'm feeling generous and won't hold it against him. Yet.

10:49 Back to the relationship roundtable. Tonight's topic: Is it OK to talk to a friend of the opposite sex about the problems in your relationship? Ladies, if you decide to do something this trifling, makesure your friend is gay. I'm just sayin'.

10:55  And they go to commercial. Let's just end this now, because by the time they return from their 10-minute break, my hour will be expended. So what have we learned today? When it comes to downtempo R&B tracks, there isn't a wealth of current material for Our Local Station to choose from, because they choose not to. Also, if you're a woman in a relationship but you have a male friend, "Lavendar" had better be a part of his name.

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8 Responses

  1. This just gets funnier and funnier with each installment.

  2. Avatar

    Keisha needs a little more mileage in my opinion. I never got the hype over "love" sounded like she struggled on that one and the track was wack-juice.
    The new album was...well.. I liked the Jerkins joint and the single with Missy, and she sure is pretty : ) Tanks “Please don’t go” WAS the joint for a hot second. a very short second… With Kellz on his way to jail, he could easily step into that "mega" songwriter void that neither Ne-yo or any "clutchies" can fill. Anyone who can take a 4 bar piano line and some drums and make a ghetto hit out of it is cool in my book. Trey Songs.. I totally agree on the STD analogy. Blame it on Kellz, we'll be hearing about “24's”, “Shawtys” and being “up in da club” by these young singers for the next 10 years. The Dream and Avant are only the beginning of the Kellz clones.

  3. Okay when ever I see this topic header I always start laughing right off the back, lol....I'm sorry to request you torture yourself more but please consider making this a weekly feature, lol and no more cheating by listening to an hour after 10, I need you during the prime HAM time, lol!

  4. "'Meeting in My Bedroom' was about as sexy as waking up in a motel room ripe with the scent of malt liquor and Newports"

  5. I agree with Butta!!!

  6. 10:49 Back to the relationship roundtable. Tonight's topic: Is it OK to talk to a friend of the opposite sex about the problems in your relationship? Ladies, if you decide to do something this trifling, make sure your friend is gay. I'm just sayin'.
    LOL, oh gosh, someone really comes to mind I read that.Guy be telling females what I be doing!Pft!That was while ago though

  7. You have to be in either Baltimore or DC cause that sound like our local radio station to me.

  8. Thanks for doing this. its letting me know that I am basically missing out on absolutely nothing on commercial radio. I agree with Law tho, it would be cool to see this as a weekly feature so I can be 100% positive im not missing much. Somebody's gotta be tortured.