Diddy’s A ‘Starmaker’? Really?

So, the other night, as I was flipping channels, minding my own business, I came across MTV, where the show Making His Band was on. The music channel must've wanted me to turn the channel immediately, because, as if on cue, there was a scene with Diddy taking voice lessons. Badly. Mercifully, it then went to commercial, where a trailer for yet another Diddy show aired--this one called Diddy's Starmaker. What? Really? So immediately I thought to myself, How can a man with no discernable questionable talent (even with singing, as we just saw) proclaim to be a "starmaker"? Is this even legal? Has the public not seen the label Bad Boy disintegrate into Oh, Boy? Then I watched the trailer again closely, and came up with an idea. Peep the trailer after the bounce as well as my ideas on shows that could star Diddy that would be more appropriate for his "talent."

So, now that you've seen the trailer, how it's a horrible hybird of American Idol and The Real World, and how grown women spout things like "BFFF," is there any wonder why we're horrified? Diddy needs to sit down somewhere until further notice. Unless, of course, he takes my advice and decides to come back in one of the following reality shows. Networks, please pay close attention.

  • Raisin In The "Son". This show would reunite Diddy with every artist he's ever had beef with, from Faith to Jadakiss, and have them critique, or "son," Diddy as he prepares for a big audition. His acting would be judged on originality, believability and technique. The final round would have Diddy actually writing his own raps, as Da Band's Dylan judges his former boss on how he spits that hot fiyah. Who wouldn't watch this?!?
  • Sean Jog. Diddy likes to run his mouth. And he's even run in a marathon. Both require a lot of persistence. So, what if Diddy were forced to sell a product that the public knew was horrible, using only his moxie and hustler senses to take it over the top? Oh, wait. He's already done that with Day 26. Never mind.
  • "Did" I Do That? This could be set up similar to Jeopardy!, with contestants staring at a big board, choosing different money levels to answer questions about things Diddy has done throughout his career. Here's a sample of how it would work: He was forced into a Muslim lifestyle after his time with Diddy. Question: "Who is Loon?" Or, This young rapper said Whoa! when he saw the miniscule royalty checks from his hit single. Question: "Who is Black Rob?" OK, one more. A Club New York incident that involved switching guns, secret compartments, a missing girlfriend and corroborating stories. Question: "What is, why did Shyne go to jail?" Man, sandwiching this show between episodes of House of Payne and Meet the Browns would give TBS its greatest ratings ever. And give us our first ghetto game show. Boom.
  • Diddy Pop. Remember back in the '90s when VH1 ran Pop Up Video? It would take older videos and, while running them, have bubbles pop up with both pertinent ideas and sarcastic thoughts. Well, wouldn't this work today if VH1 ran old episodes of Making the Band, only now inserting thought bubbles to make them watchable? Imagine a scene where Diddy is promising Danity Kane a lifetime of success, and a bubble from Da Band's Babs pops up saying, "Don't you believe it!!!" Or, how about an episode where Day 26 is performing new material from their CD in front of a live audience, and a bubble from New Edition's Ronnie DeVoe appears on screen: "I remember when we were able to perform our new material with Diddy. Oh, that's right, no I don't."

Seriously, I might even pay to watch this.

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11 Responses

  1. I love this post and oh how I miss VH1's 'Pop Up Video'.

  2. ROTFL!!!!!!!!
    I would so watch "Did" I do that? and Diddy Pop

  3. Starmaker looks amazing-
    Dont hate what you cant imitate!

  4. This post is too funny! Your show ideas look a million times better than this "Starmaker" AKA "The Real World of American Idles"
    Diddy loves to exploit, don't he? He knows darn well the "star" he "makes" will get a shady deal and zero promotion. *sigh*

  5. I'm still trying to figure out how he calls himself a producer, when he can't play one instrument, nor can he hum one note. I heard him say in the first installment of Making His Band that he knows he he wants a song to sound, so that qualifies him to be a producer. Hell, I know how I want a song to sound too but I ain't no damn producer.

  6. Hilarious! I would definitely tune in to each one of those. Watching Diddy try to sing was cringe-inducing. Think of all the talented singers out there who could use all those resources he's wasting on himself. If he auditioned for Starmaker, he would be swiftly rejected. Oh, the irony.

  7. You guys just don't get it! This man thrives off hate, the more you hate the more he won't stop (no pun intended) & as far as his artist's are concered, be honest, he made household names out of people who would probably be working @ wal-mart or something, so blame the lawyers & managers for the bad business deals not puff, no one MADE them sign those contracts!

  8. LOL. Louis, we get it. We're just having some fun at Diddy's expense. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we saw some of those shows pop up on a network in the near future. It's what Diddy does. Heh.

  9. I actually enjoy Making of His Band because it's focusing around real musicians that arent really looking to be stars just go out on a high profile tour.

  10. Yeah, Diddy daddy duffy, whatever his name is today is more of a notorius maker than a star maker. He can get you a lot of gossip blog time, but that's different from being a star. More like a commet maker; collapsed star or some shit.
    Good show ideals.

  11. Why are we so hard on our folk? I don't recall ever hearing that Simon Callow is particularly skilled in singing or playing any instruments...and hell, he ain't even from the U.S. and he's got Americans all glued to some of the worst programming for television ever: subjecting us all to the painful trials and tribulations of the road to "stardom" from obscurity. Give Diddy a break. At least he's trying (phony or not) to bring new talent to the table. If he just danced around, upped his vodka glass and sat runway-side mean-mugging at Fashion Week, people would have bad things to say about that, as well. Give him a few kudos for puttin' other folks on.


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