So, the other night, as I was flipping channels, minding my own business, I came across MTV, where the show Making His Band was on. The music channel must've wanted me to turn the channel immediately, because, as if on cue, there was a scene with Diddy taking voice lessons. Badly. Mercifully, it then went to commercial, where a trailer for yet another Diddy show aired--this one called Diddy's Starmaker. What? Really? So immediately I thought to myself, How can a man with no discernable questionable talent (even with singing, as we just saw) proclaim to be a "starmaker"? Is this even legal? Has the public not seen the label Bad Boy disintegrate into Oh, Boy? Then I watched the trailer again closely, and came up with an idea. Peep the trailer after the bounce as well as my ideas on shows that could star Diddy that would be more appropriate for his "talent."
So, now that you've seen the trailer, how it's a horrible hybird of American Idol and The Real World, and how grown women spout things like "BFFF," is there any wonder why we're horrified? Diddy needs to sit down somewhere until further notice. Unless, of course, he takes my advice and decides to come back in one of the following reality shows. Networks, please pay close attention.
Raisin In The "Son". This show would reunite Diddy with every artist he's ever had beef with, from Faith to Jadakiss, and have them critique, or "son," Diddy as he prepares for a big audition. His acting would be judged on originality, believability and technique. The final round would have Diddy actually writing his own raps, as Da Band's Dylan judges his former boss on how he spits that hot fiyah. Who wouldn't watch this?!?
Sean Jog. Diddy likes to run his mouth. And he's even run in a marathon. Both require a lot of persistence. So, what if Diddy were forced to sell a product that the public knew was horrible, using only his moxie and hustler senses to take it over the top? Oh, wait. He's already done that with Day 26. Never mind.
"Did" I Do That? This could be set up similar to Jeopardy!, with contestants staring at a big board, choosing different money levels to answer questions about things Diddy has done throughout his career. Here's a sample of how it would work: He was forced into a Muslim lifestyle after his time with Diddy. Question: "Who is Loon?" Or, This young rapper said Whoa! when he saw the miniscule royalty checks from his hit single. Question: "Who is Black Rob?" OK, one more. A Club New York incident that involved switching guns, secret compartments, a missing girlfriend and corroborating stories. Question: "What is, why did Shyne go to jail?" Man, sandwiching this show between episodes of House of Payne and Meet the Browns would give TBS its greatest ratings ever. And give us our first ghetto game show. Boom.
Diddy Pop. Remember back in the '90s when VH1 ran Pop Up Video? It would take older videos and, while running them, have bubbles pop up with both pertinent ideas and sarcastic thoughts. Well, wouldn't this work today if VH1 ran old episodes of Making the Band, only now inserting thought bubbles to make them watchable? Imagine a scene where Diddy is promising Danity Kane a lifetime of success, and a bubble from Da Band's Babs pops up saying, "Don't you believe it!!!" Or, how about an episode where Day 26 is performing new material from their CD in front of a live audience, and a bubble from New Edition's Ronnie DeVoe appears on screen: "I remember when we were able to perform our new material with Diddy. Oh, that's right, no I don't."