Men’s Group Wants Rihanna To ‘Woman-Up’ Regarding Violent Incident

It seems as though some people are now voicing their opinion on the Chris Brown-Rihanna domestic violence incident that occurred earlier this year, nine months after the fact. This is definitely due to the fact that Rihanna's new album is set to be released soon, and her explanation of the events of the incident in an interview with Diane Sawyer last night. Nevertheless, the National Coalition For Men (NCFM) issued a statement yesterday imploring Rihanna to "woman-up" and "be forthcoming about her own violence and to address the problem honestly."

Now, before some of y'all jump all on my back about this, let's remember the following:

  1. Yes, Rihanna did admit to becoming physically violent during the argument with Chris Brown.
  2. Chris Brown beat Rihanna severely, including such tactics as smashing her head against the passenger side window and biting her repeatedly.

Physical violence in a relationship is wrong. Period. I am not going to unwaver from that stance. But I am also not going to entertain anyone's notion that "we weren't there so who knows what she said or did to make him go off." According to Jozen, author of Until I Get Married:

One hundred percent of the time I or another man lays his hands on a woman, a woman is hurt physically or emotionally, and sometimes both.
One hundred percent of the time I or another man lays his hands on a woman, the man ends up the bigger idiot.

I think that pretty much says what needs to be said, from my point-of-view on this matter. Yes, domestic violence against men exists. But the overwhelming majority of the time, most men are physically stronger than women to the point of inflicting severe physical, not to mention, emotional damage to the person they have assaulted. Refresh your memory on Rihanna and Chris rekindling their romance post-assault to remember what emotional damage looks like.

Back to the NCFM's claims, the danger in publicly wanting to assign blame to the unequivocal victim in this situation is to deflect blame from the assailant. You ever wonder why some egregious crimes don't make the news? Sometimes it is because by bringing attention to the assailant, the rights and respect of the victims become compromised.

I hope that Rihanna can one day admit that her hitting Chris Brown was wrong. But that has to be on her own terms and not by a group of men who were not there. Her physical wounds may be healed and she may have resumed the top spot on all the gossip and fashion blogs. To put a young woman on blast such as the NCFM has done, however, is in many ways tantamount to reliving the initial assault. In essence, leave her be. Let her grow up. Let her leave the spotlight a bit. Then maybe when she emerges as a woman, she'll be willing to say something deeper about it.

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5 Responses

  1. Avatar

    the facts in this are inaccurate. The source you cited said she slapped him in the argument "according to sources". ??? In her interview she says she never hit him, and the police report corroborate that. Lets not base opinions off of heresay. Even if she did slap him (she says she didnt, there is no evidence to the contrary), that does not warrant that type of abuse from him. In his statement CB takes responsibility, why wont yall accept that? I wonder why the black community is so desperate to allocate blame on her as well.

  2. From what I see is that there were two parties involved in a relationship and things went very wrong. Chris made the worst decision anyone could make under the circumstance. The piece I wish to highlight is the actions on her part. Given the end result I think its safe to say there are some things leading up to the attack that she could have done differently. Could he have been provoked? If there was a text message from another woman was there a better time or approach of addressing that? Was she a bit controlling in her constant questioning and accusing him of lying? Who knows, None of us know?. What I do know is there was a relationship that went wrong. I do know that we have all been placed in the know of his actions. We all know he could have made a better decision. However almost none of us have searched to learn from whatever her actions were leading up to the night the relationship went wrong. The sad part is its highly likely that even the victim her has not done so.

  3. Great post, Ill Mami. I like it when people can discuss this issue in a sober manner without "stanning" but just looking at it for what it is.
    Ok, let us say she hit him. Then I blast her for her actions and she too (regardless) needs therapy. The violence must stop and it is most hurtful when committed by those you love.
    But at this time, there is one convicted felon who beat the CRAP out of her. He went beyond and deserves what he has gotten. One cannot even argue self-defense because in the court of law, it must be proportionate to the provoking aggression and not exceed those boundaries.
    I think folks could let this simmer properly if there was just an admission: a crime was committed that night. Do your time. Therapy. Grow. Learn. Be a lesson for all people out there.
    Instead, this has turned into an excuse for stans to act foolish as well as members of their respective camps. I worry also because of how young they are. I wish them both the best and refuse to judge and criticize from my office chair and via a keyboard. Put yourselves in their shoes and pray for learning, deterrence, redemption and growth. Anything else (accusations, insults, etc) is moot and is just attention whoring.

  4. minaminaminaminasaywhatt?
    I wonder why the black community is so desperate to allocate blame on her as well.
    As a man I can only suspect that it is because black men have been painted as monstrous perpetual abusers of black women, to the world, when in reality we are just as often victims.
    As a male "victim", of multiple acts of abuse by "multiple female abusers" throughout my life I can empathize with the anger that men feel when the initiators of violence are not held accountable for their actions because of their sustained injuries.
    In addition we (black men) have spent nearly a half century voicing “our reality” of the violent and abusive nature and behavior of [black] women that we endure on a daily basis.
    It is easy to understand the actions of a woman who abuses, possibly even murders a man, because of his long term abuse to her. Yet we refuse to accept the same reaction from men who are long term abuse victims of women.
    Every day of our lives we hear and are forced to live the dehumanizing belief that “It does not matter how a woman treats a man", a rather disgusting statement intended to dismiss any harm to men and mitigate or absolve female attackers of responsibility and accountability for their actions. By the way, that "is” the only reason to make such a statement. If any person ever made the comment that “It does not matter how a man treats a woman or what he does to her”, you would easily see its true meaning and its true value.
    When the women of our communities and our nation begin to realize their part, a very large part, in the abuse cycle we can then truly begin to address the issue. So yes, this young lady needs to woman up and accept responsibility for her actions in the cycle of abuse and in her abuse toward him. As for the interview, it is understood that a male abuser is going to lie about his actions. What make you believe that a female abuser will tell the truth?
    Chris Brown is taking responsibility for his actions; the other party needs to take responsibility for hers. It’s time.

  5. "To put a young woman on blast such as the NCFM has done, however, is in many ways tantamount to reliving the initial assault. In essence, leave her be. Let her grow up."
    Chris Brown has feelings too, and yet all he gets in the media demonized even though the court records show he too was a victims. Somehow his feelings don't matter. She has chosen to go public with the story, but has refused to give the full story, so there is nothing wrong with challenging her to tell the truth. We did not ask that she go public, but since she chose to, she should be honest about what happened. The media has given a one-sided story about DV for decades, leaving female-on-male violence invisible despite the high prevalence and severity, and that one-sided story needs to be challenged because a half truth is as bad or worse than a lie.