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Dear Chris Brown


Dear Chris Brown,

Well, you've done it now, Goldilocks. You tarnished what was supposed to be a
day of self-celebration and album promotion, effectively erasing a public journey of alleged improvement, I'm-better-nows, and
distraction from less-than-flattering events with the blink of an eye. Or launching of a chair. Whichever. Details.

Yesterday you hit up Good Morning America for an interview and performance. Rather than focus exclusively on F.A.M.E., your electronic hodgepodge of an album, anchorwoman Robin Roberts dove into your troubled past, much to your dismay. So now you're mad. You're a victim. You were ambushed! Let's get back to the album! What do you do? You trash your dressing room, smash a
window, ditch your second scheduled performance, and storm out of ABC studios shirtless on some Albino Hulk shit.

You
are awesome.
Center

Nevermind that Rihanna was a pre-approved topic of discussion.
It's no secret that the media training you lack would teach you to
tactfully and respectfully dodge tricky questions. Since there seems to
be little grooming happening, here we are, and there you sit, blond and
bitter. Mad at the world. Defending your actions. Again.

Surrounding yourself with the homies and Yes People works well for
video game
tournaments and chipping in for pizza, but not so much for resurrecting
and maintaining a career you are blessed to even still have. It's quite
evident nobody is keeping it real with you, so allow me to
break a few things down.

Let me get the requisite positivity out of the way: Yes, you are immensely talented. Okay? Now, on to the advice:

You Are Not White.
In case you forgot, Britney Spears' ancestors owned yours. Not
vice
versa. Though you, Angry Beaver, are free to Crip Walk across musical
genres and leak your own nudes if it tingles your testicles, your
porcelain-skinned counterparts have privileges that you do not.  You
don't get to go Joe Jackson on a major pop star's face and
berate interviewers for "bringing up old shit." Whereas Britney can
spiral out of control, endanger her kids, and powder her nostrils, all
while
still earning millions weekly on a wildly successful world tour, you
don't have that luxury, Black person. You are not a Sheen or a Hilton.
You don't get to profit from and laugh off tragedy and disaster. It is
unfair, but so are BET's production values in the Age of Obama. These
are the breaks.

Unless You Are Leaking More Nudes,
Delete Your Twitter Account.
In general, you lose when it comes to social media. Whether it's a public bitch fight laced with homophobic insults
brushed off as "just jokes" or public put-downs of marginally talented
pint-sized former allies, it's clear that you need a filter on your
communication with the world outside your gassed-up head. You've
demonstrated that you're essentially a ticking bomb, lashing out at
naysayers and doubters for all the world to see. That's cool on a tour
bus, but the world is watching you, Dancing Dandelion. Contrary to
popular belief, your words are seen by people other than your faithful
army of loose-legged, pink-haired, face tattoo-sporting 106 &
Plantation viewers. A dozen exclamation points in each tweet doesn't
soften the blow of the unchecked buffoonery jam-packed into many of your
messages. Also, deleting ill-advised tweets doesn't work. Clearly, it's
already been screencapped and passed around like your wang picture.
Until you get a grip on what's appropriate and what's better left
unsaid, quietly bow out.

Your Fans Are Not a Substitute For Therapy.

Sure, they support your music. That's awesome. Team Breezy has stood by
you at your lowest points and welcomed you with open arms even after
leaving the house in that infamous Charlotte Russe Bescandaled
Homecoming Queen's Apology Blouse.
They also shamelessly blamed Rihanna for warranting the reconstructive
surgery you performed upon her mug. And made jokes about it. And
viciously defend each of your missteps. Do you see a trend yet? They're
enablers. Do you know what "enablers" are? Those are the people who look
the other way when you disappoint your mammy while the world looks on
in horror. And say Rihanna got what she deserved. And don't tell you to
stay off Larry King Live, because cutesie bowties
can't pull words out when there are none to be said. Your receipts from
the completed anger management courses are a great conversation piece,
but look what they have amounted to. Try chatting with a paid
professional not motivated by a secret desire to be inseminated by you.

And lastly, Nobody Owes You Anything.
Lest we forget that this time last year you were bashing DJs who refused to play your music. You were also begging fans to demand more airplay, as your sales suffered behind mixed reception after that little altercation. You've been uninvited from events, banned from the UK, snubbed at the GRAMMYs, and so on. BET tossed you a bone at last year's BET Awards,
prompting Keri Wilson's Leather among others to proclaim, "He's back!"
Here we are months later, and you can now leave the house without being
called a woman-beater at every turn. Handclap for you.

And what
have we learned from all of this? Obviously not humility. Shouldn't you
be grateful for a chance to share your gifts with someone other than
potential prison buddies? More than most, you're aware of the "politics
and ass-kissing" (your words) that rule the industry. Sure your face
doesn't suck, but you did, ultimately, sharpen your knuckles and
teeth on a more famous person's face. Can you not see how it'd be hard
for some to move past this? Yes, you finished your mandated community
service and now do all sorts of nifty well-timed charity work. Would you
prefer a cookie or a gold star? Sure you would like us to focus on your
artistic progression, but controversy sells. A juicy quote from Lil'
Holyfield trumps an album sales pitch any day, kid.

Even from
the grave, Ike Turner can't shake his rep as Anna Mae Bullock's sparring
partner. What makes you so special? Just because you're ready to move
on and put that "unimportant" thing behind you, the media and public may
not be. This is the world in which you chose to participate. This,
until you transition to that big dance floor in the sky, is your new
reality: R&B's dented can. Deal with it. Clean house. Grow the hell
up.

Judgmentally Yours,

ChrisAlexander


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  • Todd Johnson

    Perhaps CB should consider quitting music in favor of going into the WWF? At least he can release his tension amongst his peers. He'd fit right in.

  • GMaul

    Dear Chris Alexander..thank you thank you thank you and thank you again damn it!! for so cleverly crawling inside my thoughts while I was sleeping to beautifully, construct such amazing words..I just so hope this paticular letter can be put in the hands of the kidd CB..its time for people to stop holding back on what it is...and what it is not! I ao apprieciate this view, and applaud the fact that your expressing that the public is not as dumb as most tastemakers/promoters/market researchers/would like to be believed, people see right through BS and this madear is exactly that CB git somewhere and SAT yo ass down... the tantrums are soooooo done....cut it alll theeee way out!

  • sinnawitsoul

    I don't condone any of what Chris did yesterday, however just because he is a celebrity and the questions were pre approved doesn't mean that a seasoned journalist should continue to harp on a child just to boost ratings. When he artfully dodged the question the first time, Robin should've moved on and talked about his album, instead of serving her own and ultimately ABC's ulterior motives for the hottest story of the day. Since we must continue to remind him that he knocked Rihanna.....I wonder when we are going to keep reminding her how did it feel to have her face used as punching bag, or how years later who knew how beautifully her face healed from taking such a severe beating....or how everytime someone bites something does she cringe and think back to that night when Breezy was biting her up? ........If she is allowed to put her past behind her, then I'm not understanding why he isn't allowed to put his behind him?

  • ChrisAlexander

    That's all well and good. Yet and still, his team is failing him. It's evident he needs to get a handle on those childlike emotions. Flying into rages like that, publicly, can't be good for his image. But, let's all hug him and tell him it's okay. or not.

  • Child? Willow Smith is a child. Chris Brown is a grown ass man.

  • DLS77

    That was so well written. He soooo needs more People. He needs real PR people and better management, cuz who he has now are not helping his cause...really and truly, he just needs to grow the h*ll up and get some real assistance, but that's probably not going to happen.

  • Wow! Appropriately fitting. Every salient point raised is valid and excruciatingly true. He's been given a 2nd chance and demonstrated contrition through his rage. Sad. Therapy or more classes is in order. Good piece...

  • baybruh

    YOU Sir are still my hero

  • OSHH

    Nice CA. you make my day dear as usual!

  • I've gotta applaud the Motown Era for having "handlers" for their artists back in the day. If their artists got out of line, it was handled with a quickness or was kept out of the news for the most part until that artist's flame flickered out. You don't find that today with record companies. Chris Brown is on some "I'mma do whatever the f*ck I wanna do" sh*t and he has the wrong complexion to think he can get away with it and there not be any repercussions. *rings bell like Dap in "School Daze"* WAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUP!

  • *slow clap*
    Chris, you took my breath away with your realness...CB has some serious emotional issues that he needs to work through. And although he is a "grown ass man" as Butta mentioned, I think being in the business at such an early age really did him in, because (I'm assuming) he lacked guidance and real male role models. Great post!

  • 2damnfunny

    Well written.
    Agree with every point listed.
    Kudos Mr. Alexander.

  • devessel

    well written.
    word, i say: WORD.
    not judgement, mind you. we all should walk a mile in another's moccasins.
    but it was well written. and i hope this young brother learns his lessons before it's too late.

  • Regal

    I like this article. I hope it finds it's way to Chris Brown, Lord willing.

  • OntlyMe

    Assuming that CB actually did throw a chair into a window (they don't know that he did and neither do we), I think the only thing he was guilty of is showing rage *key point approaching* while black. The dude clearly needs more people and possibly some more anger management counseling BUT rome wasn't built in a day and most addicts don't stop being addicted on their first try...so I won't judge him too harshly about this compared to his previous incident. Because he is black CB is going to be seen as a thug, while Charlie Sheen is going to sell out shows and receive 72k applications for an intern. Charlie Sheen has a horrible rap sheet of alleged incidents but he is seen as amusing. It's another form a white privilege. CB, even with yellow skin and yellow hair you still don't qualify for that, keep the meltdowns to a minimum and walk on egg shells until white people are able to trust you again. I didn't create the rules of the game but I feel like I know how to play it a little better than you and your people.

  • Dang, I wish I had written this. Beautifully done. Beautifully done.

  • LotusDoll

    This is the most negative rant of poop I've ever heard. You need to do something for your anxiety!

  • langston

    I concur on all of CA's points. This was very well written and sadly very true, sarcastically delivered constructive criticism.

  • Saywhat

    Simply wonderful Mr. Alexander.
    On to another point, children don't drive fancy sport cars, have sex with pop stars nor beat and bite the living crap out of another people. That is some grown people mess. And Chris needs to realize that people don't let things go. Case in point, Ms. Liz Taylor died today and one of the first things they mentioned were her 8 husbands. Society thrives on gossip and they are the ones that make punks like Chris rich and famous. So he needs to learn to deal and get an education and spiritual guidance before he will be Charles Sheen in a few years.

  • ChrisAlexander

    @LotusDoll
    Negative? No. Honest? Yes. Do you think his camp is telling him any of these things, or anything constructive for that matter?
    He is FAILING out in the open. Yes, the album will be number 1, but his mind is in shambles. A wreck.
    Also, I don't recall having an anxiety issue, but thanks for reading anywho!

  • ADR

    I actually feel sorry for him: it must be quite painful to go through this and not know how to deal with it.
    Can someone send him a counselor? Psychologist? Help anyone?! 🙂
    I truly appreciate your sarcastic writing Mr Alexander
    Peace

  • Alias

    Clever, funny & true. Can't wait to read more from you ChrisAlexander.

  • Nonplussed

    "Dancing Dandelion"!
    Can't get it out of my head.

  • Gerald

    While everybody's judging this man and saying where he SHOULD be and what he SHOULD understand, let those of us who pray, pray. And let those of us who've made our mistakes wish him the rehabilitation he needs to reach a healthy state of mind.
    Gerald

  • Sunshine3000

    Well said.

  • JAY

    Nobody REALLY wants to see this dude do well. If he's not doing something stupid there's really nothing to talk about. The vast majority of the population don’t give an eighth of a damn about his music so this is the new game plan. I don't recall seeing anything about his new music. This is what passes for entertainment in today's society. He's an entertainer, it's his job to stay in the news. Chris Brown AND his handlers are chilling somewhere with their money plotting his next move.

  • great post, excellent & pertinent advise, somebody has to be honest with this young man instead of enabling and condoning his behavior...being upset is one thing, overreacting is another...ppl deal with unfavorable situations daily, but you still have to work, go to class, support your family, etc. with a composure...that's what RESPONSIBLE ADULTS do...thx 4 sharing your insight!

  • Lois

    Dear "Judgementally",
    It must be nice to stand in judgement when no one knows (or cares) about all your messiness that is not in the public because again, no one cares. He's 21, barely legal, obviously still a child, needs some folks around him to care enough about him to mentor and advise him and basically stop using him for their own personal aggrandizement (kinda like you writing about him so that you can continue to profit off of his mess financially or otherwise). He's not perfect and his inappropriate behavior should not be ignored or applauded. He's human, just like the rest of us. The only difference is our mess is not on Front St.
    If you really are interested in getting a message to him to help him, send it to him personally, not on your personal blog where everything here is all about YOU. Don't pretend you care because you don't. You (and everyone else with these blogs, tv shows, etc.) say and do incindiary things to push his buttons because you know and understand that he has anger management issues that he is working on (and will always need to work on). So you push him and he, in his immaturity (again, he's 21), reacts inappropriately and then you and everyone else decides to "offer" your pious impartation of what is "wrong" with him and what he needs to do to improve himself. You and your ilk are part of the problem, sir, not the solution.
    Respectfully submitted,
    A 43 year-old woman that remembers all the dumb, immature and irresponsible things she did at 21.

  • jaye

    I don't think him being black should make him have to be more accountable than anyone else, his behavior is wrong, and it's wrong when charlie sheen does it...but sheen had the good sense not to do that to a beloved pop star, and not have the police take and leak beloved pop star's bruised and pained face all over TMZ a week later, making it all the more real.
    BTW, his actions were not "inappropriate", they were not just dumb, immature and irresponsible, they were criminal, in every sense of the word. Pointing this out, making it clear that this kind of behavior is already minimized and trivialized and not taken anywhere near as seriously as it should be, and that Chris Brown was getting a break with the softball questions on GMA (even if they were harsher than compared to a white guy with the same story, they were still definitely softball questions for a man who beats up women), that is NOT being part of the problem in any way, shape or form. Minimizing this kind of atrocious behavior, enabling women-beaters by turning him somehow into the victim, HAS been the problem for far too long.

  • Ke-Ke

    This is sooooo freakin entertaining and so TRUE!!.....I love you Chris Alexander!!!

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