In case you haven't noticed by now, SoulBounce is a Rihanna-lite zone. With so many other websites tracking her every song, move, outfit, tweet, or hair color change, there's rarely a need to say anything else about her here. We'd much rather cover artists who we actually love, and she's not one of them. But there are those rare occasions when we can't help but talk about she of questionable talent, and her appearance over the weekend on Saturday Night Live has given us the perfect opportunity. Rihanna was the musical guest, and her two performances left much to be desired but elicited lots of commentary from Team SoulBounce. Hit the bounce to watch her warble her way through "Birthday Cake"/"Talk That Talk" and "Where Have You Been" and to read exactly what we thought. Rihanna stans beware: Brutal honesty ahead.
Butta: Imagine coming home from seeing Chaka Khan live in concert to watching this on the DVR? *cue Price Is Right FAIL horns*
Remi: Okay, so while "Birthday Cake" was a complete disaster, I thought she actually did better in "Where Have You Been" than in the video. Thought she was incredibly stiff in that.
Butta: Yeah, the first performance was dreadful (the poon-patting? really?), but the second one was pretty good considering it was Rihanna. That made me want to watch the video that I was avoiding like Tyrese avoids making sense on Twitter. I mean, seriously, what is this, her 15th video this year?
Remi: Ha! Yes, I loved the poon-patting! It was like "There there, girl. Feeding time shall come soon."
D-Money: That poon-patting was ridic. I immediately thought that something was itching/burning down there that she needed taking care of. God, her voice sounds like death. But performance wise, though she has that "F--k effort" look on her face the entire time, "Where Have You Been" ran circles around that awkward "Talk That Talk."
NubianEmpress: It's more like a she's voguing with her stuff. That's how I like to think of it.
Ivory: I think I'm more annoyed with the fact that she thinks she's dope enough to skip rehearsals. Like, you can't even sing, you need to be making every dress rehearsal and sound check known to man.
D-Money: Apparently she was sick and her doctors told her to rest her voice. *insert side-eye here*
SoulUK: Voice?! What voice? I can't with RiRi.
AudioDiva: Been saying this since day one, but Rihanna should be a model and call it a day. I don't even know why we're expecting so much from her at all, as it proves the point that in this 21st century we tout some of the most extra people ever. If this was 1984, Rihanna would have had one club hit and be back selling clothes at Wet Seal.
She should be a model -- she's cute, she's photogenic, she just shows up somewhere and people go wild, I like what she wears, and she throws great shade on her Twitter...model.
SoulUK: I can't even, hand on heart, say she is that cute. She aint bad and has her moments, but I can call out many prettier girls/ladies. Hyped to death is my call.
So, SoulBouncers, what did you think of Rihanna's performance on SNL? Did it curry your goat or just leave you hungry for something a little more substantial?