Mariah Blowed On ‘Saturday Night Live’

Mariah Carey graced disgraced the stage of Saturday Night Live this past weekend in what can only be described as a master class in what not to do. After all of the chatter about Mariah replacing Janet Jackson (!) in her first appearance on the late-night sketch comedy show in over 10 years (!) anticipation was heightened for Mimi to do the damn thing on SNL. Well, I'd like to request a refund of my time for watching that pre-Easter H.A.M.

To put it nicely, Mariah sucked. Not only was she lip-syncing, but she was lip-syncing and sounded terrible. The hell? Artists typically re-record "live" versions of songs for use in performances to throw people off of their lip-syncing trail. But to re-record the song and phone in the vocals is another matter. Furthermore, the whole lip-syncing thing only works to throw peeps off when your lips match up with the words, Mimikins.

But lip malfunctions aside, the songs she sang are Just. Not. Good. For an artist of Mariah's stature, this material is beneath her. The lyrics to "Touch My Body" and "Migrate" were alternately laughable and cringe-inducing. And, yeah, she's done collabos with a who's who of rappers before, but T-Pain? Come on. Was Lil Wayne too busy sippin' on some sizzurp? But back to Testicular Pain, can his 15 minutes please end soon? We need another flavor of the month producer/guest artist/ugly mofo STAT.

And poor Trey Lorenz. Can we talk about him for a second? He's been holding it down as one of Mariah's background singers since forever, and he's still there. But now he's reduced to oversinging his parts and wasting his talent harmonizing "YouuuTuuube." And Jesus wept.

In case you missed Mariah and want to subject yourself to her ear pollution, then peep her performances below.

In the event that Da Man snatches the videos offline, props to Lowkey from You Heard That New for uploading the "Migrate" live audio. Thanks, I think. According to him, the studio version of this song is gonna "OFFICIALLY shut sh-- down" when it drops, but I don't believe him. He needs more people.

Mariah Carey: "Migrate" feat. T-Pain

Wack. If this is the best that Mariah can do, then I don't think that E=MC2 will be finding its way into my CD collection. Instead, I'll break out her first few discs and remember the Mariah who had some class before she grew up into a chickenhead.

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30 Responses

  1. I don't understand why this is brand new or news to anyone. Mariah is a songwriter with an incredible voice. She never was an entertainer-- merely a background singer plucked from obscurity. Not a product of the Music World bootcamp...
    So why is it that every time she hits the stage, jaws hit the floor. When has someone ever ranted and raved about Mariah's stage performance? Her albums yes, her vocal peformace (at times), but her stage performance, never.
    I'd much rather this than that other slutty chanteuse who allegedly had a nasty head cold.
    Watch her Soulbounce right to the top of the charts.

  2. See that's the thing, WW4P. Mariah is a SONGWRITER WITH AN INCREDIBLE VOICE. Personally, I don't care what she "does" so much as what she sings and how she sings it. She is one of the most celebrated vocalists/writers of my generation. So the frustration comes more from knowing what she is capable of and cow-towing to the lower-tier hip-hop aesthetic. It's almost like an honor roll student striving for D's to look "cool" in the eyes of her classmates.

  3. How biassed can you be? I bet you'll run to contradict all your assertions as soon as you write about madonna's new piece of laughable crap. That is a joke not this. Please you lose all credibility with this insulting reviews... you exude envy or something... too destructive and surreal... she lipsinchs and stinks at the same time? please come on? you are pathetic... you think somebody that on studio is the queen would record a crappy playback' she did it so live you don't know what to criticize. good life you mediocres. you've lost a reader.

  4. She is one of the most celebrated vocalists/writers of my generation.
    Oh Young/Old nOva!
    Mariah aims to be the most celebrated to the kiddies that come after you as well. Thus intentionally trying to remain eternally 16 years old in the minds and hearts of all.
    Teenagers are the people that wait online and in line for concert tickets, buy multiple copies of her cd even when one is the Super Deluxe Edition and the other is the Soopa Deluxe Edition.
    So don't be frustration when you've out grown HER target audience and no one sent Soulbounce the memo.

  5. @ LeadMyWay:
    Biased? Dude/chick/whatever, I actually like Mariah Carey so let's not go there. But she really needs to stop slumming with her music. This nouveau hip-hop mess she's trying to do is not her and it sounds phony and contrived.
    Madonna? Aint nobody say nothing bout no Madonna. I haven't listened to a Madonna record since her first Greatest Hits collection. NEXT!
    As far as her lip-syncing to weak vocals, check the video for yourself. THE WORDS ARE NOT MATCHING UP WITH HER LIPS.
    Please swing off of Mariah's bra strap somewhere else, thank you. Buh-bye!

  6. @ LeadMyWay:
    Oh no! We've lost a reader! Say it ain't so! *sad face* Now should I cry into my bowl of dont-give-a-shit flakes or do we stand firm in our assertion that Mariah is cooning for dollars?

  7. Yes, Mariah sucked. Yes, performers track live vocals for on-stage lip synching ALL THE TIME. No one's hating on Mariah by stating that...they're hating because she's BAD at it (among other things).
    As a recording artist, Mariah's record speaks for itself. As a performing artist, she's certifiably horrible. She's been living off reputation [only] for YEEEEAAAARRRRSSSS now. I think it's unacceptable. Most of us have higher standards for our musical celebrities. If she was a new artist making her way through the ranks with any of the performances she's given over the last 3-5 years, critics and the public would have trashed her mercilessly.
    If it's bad, it's bad, I don't care WHO it is. I just want to know who thought that a Janet Jackson performance is slutty? Please.

  8. I think one of the best things about this website are the commenters who sometimes agree or disagree with the premises we editors make in our posts. That being said, I dislike, nay, hate commenters who just want a platform to be heard without considering that we reserve the right to post whatever we want because we feel that artists should be held responsible for the bullsh*t they sometimes bombard the public with.
    Plus, I can't stand people who can't spell. "Lipsinch" is not a word, but "lipsynch" is. If Mariah is so great to you LeadMyWay, why are you bringing Madonna into it? Has she even ever been reviewed for anything on this website? Your comment was so petty and seemed to be coming from another place, and not from this Mariah post. Are you angry with nOva about something in particular? Was there any reason for you to take it there? Is there any reason why we should therefore not care about your departure from our hallowed website? The answer, as you may have guessed, is no. So with that in mind...
    Peace out.

  9. Why must people can't give their own opinions?I mean dang, people get so emotional over the internet!Oh well, Mariah hasn't done it for this time around.That standing around crap and looking bored isn't convincing me.I think I got listen to Music Box.

  10. I'm almost positive she wasn't lipsynching....and that's why she sounded awful. Am I the only one who can see that she was really singing? I thought it was obvious.

  11. Since when did stating the FACTS be considered hating? The performance was horrible, fact. Stating that Mariahs never been known as a performer is nothing more than an excuse for the horrible performance, that would still be horrible if done the same way by ANYONE. period.
    The song "migrate" is horrific and while it is catering to the 106 n park crowd "the kiddies"(1 point for WW4P!) that group is arguably the main crowd that roams limewire, kazaa etc. for FREE music to download (-2 points for WW4P!). Dont believe me? LOOK at all the artist for "the kiddies" out today that frequent the 106 n park top 10 list: Souljah Boy, Rihanna, Tpain, ETC....All of these artist have topped the pop 100 and hot 100 billboard charts, fact...BUT none of these artist have gotten to the 2mil mark, many havent even scratched 1mil!!!!! so while ur argument is half true WW4P, it holds no real weight and STILL doesnt excuse the laughable lyrics from a WOMAN in her late 30s that IS capable of BETTER, nor does it rationalizes dumbing down your music for sales.
    No one is expecting Mariah to come out with a Back To Black/The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill type album, but is wanting A LITTLE growth, or atleast maturity from an artist that has SHOWN IT BEFORE, too much to ask for? I dont think so.

  12. I love Soulbounce but I'm giving you a thumbs down on this trash-Mariah-on-SNL-post. Sure you can post whatever you want. But there are plenty of "entertainment" sites posting this kind of stuff. I expected better.

  13. @jbro:
    Oh dear. Notice when we got in Keyshia Cole's ass we didn't hear "boo" from these folks.
    Anyway, that feeling you feel about SB is the same one we felt after listening to Mimikins latest material. Of note: We don't dislike Mariah, we dislike the industry that has turned her into this. She doesn't have to trot out T-Strain's ubiquitous hide in order to generate a hit or stay relevant. Mariah is ALREADY relevant by virtue of her talent and stellar career. So when she (or anyone else for that matter) puts out this kind of bullshit, BET-ready, malt liquor music, we're gonna say something, especially if it's something the majority of the editors can agree on.
    If we now have to shoulder the burden of being the crotchety old Bill Cosby of black music sites, then it's a loss we're willing to take. We can't be warm and fuzzy all the time.
    And scene.

  14. Some of you commenters really need to reserve your stanning for somebody that deserves it. Both of these lackluster performances are a big ole HAM just in time for Easter. Even Gov. Paterson could see that her lips are 10 steps behind the track! Clearly anyone that knows good music knows this isn't it. These songs are both WACK and FAR below Mariah's talent level.
    What ticks me off is that we have so many independent artists out there trying to get heard and artists with label issues whose album may never see the light of day. And ya'll stans will catapult this oozing ear-infection-causing bs to #1.
    One less reader? Good. Carry your azz back over to Bossip or Sandra Rose somewhere.

  15. Mimi sucked. Everyone has their days...this one just happened on live tv and when all the hype about her next album put all eyes on her.

  16. I just want to point out that Mariah is 37 years old.
    y'all can go back to beefing now.

  17. I am SO frustrated right now! I agree with everything you said BUTTA. The bottom line is that both of those performances were wack...both of those songs are bad...and Mariah needs to get it together! It's about GROWTH people. I like that bi-racial butterfly just as much as the next gay....and I appreciate alot of her music...but I am really disappointed by these songs..excuse me..RINGTONES!

  18. Why can't people handle the truth?
    The performances were WACK! WACK! WACK! The vocals were off, she looked really uncomfortable, she showed no passion, the dancers were mediocre, her pants were clearly showing her V-jay-jay. All in all it was hot pudding mess.
    Someone said that 'Migrate' track should have been called 'Migraine', after the head-ache inducing performance. LMBAO
    I actually like both tracks but Mariah's voice continues to deteriorate. So stans keep on staning.

  19. "Even Gov. Paterson could see" LMAO
    You know Mariah isn't the only artist that's putting out less than stellar material. I was kinda mad at all the kudos Amy Winehouse got but the album was great! Mariah's never been as captivating live as on record. I'm not feeling the Janet album either but am happy for her return to chart-topping-ness and she's a great performer.
    As for the comment on Madonna - Confessions was an AMAZING album. I still play it at least once a week. I'm dreading the new album because I really can't stand Timberfake/Timbersnake and Timbaland's songs all sound the same lately. Besides Madonna always brings it when you see her perform. I couldn't believe the promoters got away with $350 for top tier tix for her last tour but it was worth every penny. I still have my $25 tix for her Blonde Ambition show at MSG.

  20. I'm curious as to what her being 37 has to do with it? You trying to say that's old Stylus? *friendly side-eye*
    Tina Turner is 1000 years old. Patti Labelle is 750 (don't tell my Momma - she's 600). They both still sound and perform pretty damn well I think we'd all agree. And I'm just getting started.
    Maybe I'm missing something? I am carb-deprived over here.
    And Nova, you're a fool. I feel like I say that everyday.

  21. I am a hardcore mimi fan but uh those performances SUCKED and no she never been know as a great entertainer but damn she has had better days..not sure if she was lipsynching or not though the vocals were just TOO bad...ill let the madonna comment slide since im not feeling well

  22. Oh Vivrant thing! "Even Gov. Paterson could see" You crack me up! I totally agree. Can we get a post about Imani Uzuri or someone else or even another Erykah Badu post? Let Mariah rest on her laurels somewhere else.
    Oh and I love you for mentioning Trey Lorenz. I'm gonna be laughing at his behind for the rest of the day. And, yes, I know I'm going to hell.

  23. I just think it's funny that the same people up her ass are the ones who tell Janet Jackson to grow up. That performance was a mess, right down to the trite lyrics. If the haters think Janet is moving backward, this chick sure as hell is. Janet could have done better than that WITH the flu and any other ailment. But we shouldn't be surprised, since Mimi ain't a seasoned performer. The above is the reason her shows never sell out - after all these years she's never learned how to command a stage. We still love her though ...

  24. I think the 37 years old was in reference to her (still) singing songs better fitting a 22 year old singer.
    But wow -- did the MariahArmy come out for this post or what??

  25. @rkj:
    Re: MariahArmy. Nawh, they didn't come out as hard as we would've liked. They're probably onto us. lol

  26. @ Vivrant Thang
    Tina and Patti don't sing chickenhead music. Even if you have a personal trainer and your skin is in good shape there has to be a cut-off point beyond which you are shaming yourself by recording music that further sexualizes pre-teens.

  27. This is a good one Butta! I have been saying for years that Mariah needs to leave the short dresses, four inch heels, trying to be sexy ish alone! I just want her to get on stage and sing the h*ll out of a song like we know she can. There is nothing wrong with looking good, but from an Artist with amazing vocal talent like Mariah, that's what we want to hear, the great vocals. Artist like Janet you tune in to see the performance. They are two different kinds of artist. I wonder does Mariah know what people expect when they tune in to see her perform live.

  28. Dam! I thought Janet had the worse stans! But no, say something bad about Mariah and Mimi's Super Stans come flying in full force!!
    People are allowed to have an opinion. Do I get mad when people post negative things about Erykah or Jill? No! So Mimi's Stans should let everyone have their say. Geez!!!

  29. is it me but i thought the performances were a'ight. the songs are cute. but i don't listen to mariah to have my mind elevated--i listen to someone like Badu for that.
    but i do understand that since some of the best indie artists don't get the shine they deserve then looking at it from that lens makes the mariah appearance on SNL look really disappointing to say the least.
    i do think though that we may be missing something. now mariah might not be the best songwriter or even performer but she really did only have a couple of days to prepare. i mean can we cut her some slack for that?
    *shrug* i don't know. i wasn't surprised by her performance but i wasn't really disappointed by it either. her music is like candy its good in small doses.

  30. LMBAO
    Butta, my sista, your review was priceless! I give Mariah credit for possessing a superior instrument, but I haven't enjoyed NARY a live performance from her...even in the EARLY Vision days. That random hand-flapping a la Teena Marie works my dayum nerves. And based on this write-up, I sho is glad I missed the SNL perfs, ESPECIALLY if T-Pain was involved. He's like Flav's West Indian cuzzin.
    And that Touch My Body single? Hot garbage! Got it from a record pool more than a month ago and gagged appropriately.