9:57 I'm sitting here with my door knockers on and hat to the back waiting for this year's Hip Hop Honors to come on.
9:58 Congratulations to both Suzanne and Mike for winning I Want to Work for Diddy. I guess. As long as it wasn't that obnoxious Poprah. Now don't y'all fight over who's going to shave Diddy's pubes.
10:00 Said in my best Slick Rick from "Children's Story" voice: Here we go!
10:01 Tracy Morgan is still the opposite of funny. Oy.
10:02 He's in a pre-taped skit on a city bus stumping for the Hip Hop
Party. A Tracy Morgan administration is a scary thought.
10:03 Tracy arrived at the venue and kissed a baby doll. OK, that was funny.
10:05 Tracy is now on stage accepting the nomination for president of the Hip Hop Party. Let's get this over with already.
10:07 The first presenter of the evening is who?
10:07 Freddie Rodriguez? Is that the little Latin dude from Six Feet Under?
10:09 Cypress Hill is up first. I see you B-Real and Sen Dog.
10:09 They look the same, just thicker. We could probably all say that, though.
10:12 Here to salute the honorees is Gym Class Heroes, Jim Jones, Mack 10 and Fat Joe. This should be interesting.
10:12 Joey Crack is up first looking like a real vato.
10:13 Jim Jones is looking grimy as usual.
10:14 Travis McCoy hopped out on stage. Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain.
10:15 Where'd they dig up Mack 10?
10:16 Damn Cypress Hill had some tough beats. I'm bout to break my neck nodding my head over here.
10:16 B-Real and Sen Dog are here to show us how their songs are supposed to be done.
10:17 Cypress Hill is rocking out. Wave your L's in the air.
10:24 De La Soul is the next honoree! Yes! Bring on the Daisy Age.
10:25 So that's what "Potholes In My Lawn" meant? Who knew that was a message to the biters?
10:27 Joy Bryant? Where are they getting these random actors and actresses from to do the introductions?
10:28 This tribute has a rack of my faves coming up. Y'all better get it!
10:28 Estelle is doing a shabby job of singing the hook on "A Rollerskating Jam Named Saturdays."
10:28 Where is Vinia Mojica when you need her? No, really, where is she? Her MySpace aint been updated in ages.
10:29 Q-Tip is on point but his verse is way too short. Bring the Abstract back.
10:29 Mos Def and Chuck D were an interesting combination. Never thought I'd hear Chuck D reciting a De La lyric.
10:30 Where's my roach spray? I see Flavor Flav.
10:30 Aw shucks it's the happy buddha Cee-Lo. I forgot that he was a rapper first. He's not doing too bad on these lyrics to "Potholes."
10:31 EPMD, y'all! Erick and Parrish are killing "Ego Trippin'," yo.
10:32 Dammit! Not another Tracy Morgan skit. I was jamming to the De La tribute.
10:33 Oh good...De La is coming back after the break.
10:37 Michael Rappaport (star of that classic Zebrahead) named his son after Maceo, after dude in De La. Cute story. Get to De La, please.
10:37 De La is killing "Me, Myself and I." Lawd, the memories of this joint.
10:39 Buddy, buddy, buddy all in my face.
10:40 Tip is back to kick his verse from "Buddy." Heaven must be like this.
10:40 Where are the Jungle Brothers, Latifah and Monie Love? I feel slightly cheated.
10:47 Tracy Morgan recognizes Dave the Dope Fiend. Ha ha.
10:48 Michael Strahan is on to pay tribute to Slick Rick. Who thought of these match-ups?
10:48 I love how Slick Rick coordinates his eye patch with every outfit.
10:52 MC Lyte is kicking the first Rick rhyme. Not bad.
10:53 Busta Rhymes is dressed in a Slick Rick-themed short set. I can't.
10:53 Spliff Star is there taking up space as per usual.
10:54 Biz Markie is beatboxing and Ghostface is killing it on "La Di Da Di."
10:55 I almost didn't recognize Fabolous in his fuzzy Kangol. I see you Dana Dane.
10:56 Eve doing "Mona Lisa"? Oddly enough it works.
11:00 Only Slick Rick could sit on a throne and stroke a pussy cat and make it look totally normal.
11:00 "Children's Story"!!!
11:07 Time for the Isaac Hayes tribute. Mos Def is rocking the throwback leather.
11:08 What the hell, Estelle? I love you and all, but you are sounding hella wack tonight.
11:09 Cee-Lo bout to take up to chuuch.
11:09 The Legendary Roots Crew sounds so good. I see you ?uestlove.
11:10 Oh snap! Mos Def is rhyming Biggie.
11:11 Scarface is taking me back my college days with "My Minds Playing Tricks On Me."
11:12 I got a letter from the government the other day!! Chuck and Flavor are cocking that black steel in the hour of chaos.
11:13 That was off the chain. They can go ahead and end the show now.
11:17 Mary J. Blige is selling Chevy's. LL Cool J is schilling for Sears. When am I going to see Ms. Melody in a Slim Fast commercial?
11:18 Speaking of MJB, when is she gonna get Hip Hop Honors? The Queen of Hip Hop Soul should get some love, no?
11:18 And we're back. With Luther Campbell introducing the Too $hort segment. Don't stop, get it, get it.
11:19 Too $hort's parents wanted him to go to college to become an accountant. Accountant or pimp? It could be argued that they are one in the same.
11:22 Who keeps inviting Kid Rock to these events? Seriously.
11:24 Lil Jon brought the dancing skanks. How sweet of him.
11:24 That's right, Bun B. Show em how to rhyme.
11:29 I'm trying to figure out how they are going to stretch the last 30 minutes of tis show on Naughty By Nature's segment. Aint buy so much hip hop hooraying we can do.
11:30 OK, we're not done with Too $hort just yet. Scarface and Short Dawg himself are performing now. "Bitch Better Have My Money" sounds so tame by today's standards.
11:39 So Naughty doesn't get some random ass actor to introduce them? Was Nia Peeples not available?
11:42 Tracy Morgan said that OPP is the reason why he stays in family court. Now, that was funny.
11:42 Eve and her knockoff Miss Jack Davey hair are here to introduce the performers.
11:43 Wyclef? Really? Um, no.
11:44 Juelz Santana is this year's Lupe Fiasco without the underlying talent. How you gonna mess up an easy Naughty lyric, man?
11:44 Finally! A real rapper hits this segment. Let's get it Big Boi.
11:45 OK, maybe not. That was not a good look.
11:46 Queen Latifah is in a segment with Tracy Morgan. He's wearing her robe and shell toes. LOL
11:48 Naughty is going hard on "Uptown Anthem." Let me find out that they still got it.
11:49 Hip hop hooray! Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!
11:50 Who you calling a ho?
11:51 Oh Lord, Treach done come out of his shirt. And I'm not the least bit mad.
11:52 "It aint nothin like hip hop music." Damn straight, Treach. Damn straight.
11:55 Commercial break marinating: Naughty is cool and all, but 'splain to me why ad how they got honored before Queen Latifah. I demand a recount.
11:58 And that's it. There's nothing left to see here, folks.
11:59 Is it just me, or was this year's Hip Hop Honors a little disappointing for anyone else? It wasn't a trainwreck of BET proportions but it was just extra regular. Better luck next year, I suppose.