The Top 10 Worst Moments in Black Music of 2008

It's all fun and games until someone says something stupid, or continues singing after their brother passes out on stage. Today we're counting down The Top 10 Worst Moments in Black Music, and most of it isn't very funny at all. More like SAD. Perhaps when we do this list next year, we'll all be able to engage in hearty communal schadenfreude instead of our side-eyes doing the jitterbug.

2008 was quite the year for this legend wasn't it? I think maybe she released a Christmas album, right? At any rate, Aretha Franklin kept us in stitches not only by somehow murdering "Touch My Body" (which was already D.O.A.), and drawing the ire of PETA (who, admittedly, picks on rich people for GP) but with her well-publicized beef with Beyoncé and Tina Turner. Now we all know how highly Bey regards Tina, so it is without question that she would refer to her as "The Queen". Aretha responded from her Clock Tower in the Haunted Forest that the Grammy writers and Bey were courting controversy, which sounds more like a threat than an observation. Then Beyoncé's father Joe Jackson Mathew Knowles told Aretha to sit down somewhere, while Tina Turner offered "Oh that crazy ReRe always got jokes!" And then Aretha told Tina to go to Hell, right before pretending Beyoncé didn't exist. Oh, what hell you have wrought, Beyoncé!

We may have been born yesterday but we know a PR stunt when we see it. Dru Hill had us talking about them for a good 36 hours when they appeared on 92Q in B-More, announcing they were reuniting with the original line-up. It was all peace and love until Woody said "Jesus is way more awesome than Sisqo, so I am leaving the group!" Then Sisqo was all "Why you ain't say that before we got ON THE AIR WHERE EVERYONE COULD WITNESS IT AND ANTICIPATE OUR NEXT RELEASE?!" He then proceeded to stomp about and wave his arms frantically because Woody had also hidden his pot o'gold. Weeks later Dru Hill held a competition where they auditioned new members and ended up choosing some dude they already knew. Then a new Dru Hill song came out and everyone hated it. Jesus is looking real good now, huh Sisqo?

We take no pleasure in seeing Jojo Hailey collapse on stage, because we love him. We also love his crazy brother K-Ci, who heard Jojo hit the stage with a loud thud, turned and saw him lying there, then kept right on singing. We understand that you are supposed to perform through a fall (hell, all three members of Destiny's Child taught us that), but only when someone is able to get right back up and might not be dead. He didn't even have the decency to pack some smelling salts!

These are the ladies that have provided us with countless years of amazing music and have typically steered away from the low-brow. Not in 2008! We don't begrudge any singer the opportunity to appeal to a wider audience and receive a check in the process, but this got way out of hand this year. First Mariah said "To Hell with the full range of my voice" and employed the ubiquitous T-Pain for "Migrate." Then Whitney Houston released a buzz single with T-Pain's law-abiding mentor Akon. But none of that could compare to Plies' "Bust It Baby," which was already a steaming pile on its own before some genius named Jermaine Dupri had to add his poor, put-upon girlfriend Janet Jackson to the remix. We are just counting the days until Celine Dion does a record with Paul Wall. Ugh!

I mean, what can you say, really? L.A. TIMES JOURNALIST PLAYS HIMSELF
Haha @ Chuck Phillips! We were already dumbfounded that, after all these years, he managed to find a way to cleverly re-invoke the Tupac/Bad Boy rivalry and get plenty of media attention. Only thing was, his claim that Diddy had intel that Tupac would be attacked (and eventually shot) back in 1994 was based on forged documents that didn't even look authentic! See, this is what happens when you want attention: someone else that wants more attention will exploit you for their own wicked purposes. Besides, there are so many more relevant and recent reasons to pick on Diddy.

Not that we expect much in the way of common sense when it comes to DMX, but geez! You would think once we had a viable Black candidate running for the highest office in the country that ol' Earl would wise up for, like, five minutes? Upon learning that not only a Black man was in the running but that his name was Barack Obama, X responded with "What the f*ck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?" Le sigh. That would be funny if (1) DMX's sense of humor wasn't dripping in nignorance, and (2) it's actually not funny. So he must've meant what he said. He was also unimpressed that a person of color was running for office (and by all accounts, at the time, had a good chance of winning), stating: "What, they gon' give a dog a bone? There you go. Ooh, we have a Black president now. They should've done that sh*t a long time ago, we wouldn't be in the f*ckin' position we in now. With world war coming up right now." Oh, we get it. DMX doesn't watch the news because he's tired of seeing himself on it.

It's all downhill from here, people. We knew that if R. Kelly was found innocent of various counts of child pornography that he would continue to bless us with insipid ghetto chickenhead track after insipid ghetto chickenhead track, employing every hood motif from hair-braiding and mambo sauce to E-Z Widers. It makes sense that he would sit down with BET after his acquittal--a network that is run by Negroes so dense that a Black man running for president wasn't enough reason to balance their programming with more news and current events. At any rate, Touré, who seems to have the worst luck with interviewees (see next item), pointedly asked R. Kelly "Do you like teenage girls?" R. responded with "When you say 'teenage' how old are we talking?" Cut to: Touré wondering if he's being paid enough to endure this bullsh*t. R. went on to say that he has some nineteen-year-old friends. That he likes to pee on.

dumbdumbtellem.jpg2. "SHOUT-OUT TO THE SLAVEMASTERS!"
Soulja Boy is The Worst Person in The World for many, many re
asons. Up until recently, we thought his phenomenal level of ignorance was simply a product of his fame. Sometimes when folks get famous, they become arrogant because of some misguided sense of invincibility, then the arrogance becomes vast stupidity and madness. We prefer madness because sometimes it provides a hearty chuckle. But stupidity is a no-no, especially when it comes at the expense of our ancestors. Touré, for some inexplicable reason, found himself asking Soulja Boy a question that required critical thought and consideration--functions this young man is astoundingly incapable of: "What historical figure do you most hate?" Since Soulja Boy didn't understand what a "historical figure" was, Touré listed a number of examples--"Hitler, bin Laden, the slave masters." This resulted in Soulja Boy declaring "Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we'd still be in Africa. We wouldn't be here to get this ice and tattoos." What's next, an instructional dance song called "Crank That Apartheid"?

This one is the worst because we actually love Joe. But this just goes to show you that no entertainer is immune from saying dumb sh*t, which means they also aren't above reproach. I won't dig into my peers that have only recently registered to vote (and subsequently voted) because most of us are only on our second presidential election. Joe, on the other hand, is 35. Also, the possibility of Barack Obama being (or not being) POTUS should've lit a fire under him. It didn't. And please don't think this is a case of us assuming he should've voted for Obama because he's a person of color. Joe could've very well been, in his heart, a McCain supporter. But he wasn't. Joe got very cocky on The Tom Joyner Morning show by asserting that his man (Barack) had it in the bag and didn't need his vote. Maybe Joe was just afraid to show up at the polls and have to endure a mob of randy soccer moms throwing panties on him. That scenario would've made more sense. In the end, a lot of readers of various blogs and listeners of the TJMS responded with "I'm sure Joe's album is going to sell so I don't need to buy it." Re-live this shameful, excruciating moment by pressing play. [H/T: TDV]

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24 Responses

  1. That T-Baby video made me embarrassed to say I was from Detroit. She is soooooooo not representative of the hip hop scene in the D. Youtube is the devil!

  2. Excellent list, I cant decide between that sicko bastard Robert Kelly and that dumb ass Soulja boy, both are embarrasmments to the black race and should be extradiated to Cuba:) DMX comes in at a robust 3rd spot, next to OJ he might just be the stupidest black man alive. #4 is Re-re with her assortment of colorful moo-moo's which I didnt know they made them that large:) I would go on but this list has gotten me depressed and suicidal.....................:)

  3. LOL @ the titles "Define Teenager" and My Brother's Burden Is Not My Own (especially with the still in that video!). This is hilarious/sad.

  4. "Joe the Dumber"
    You win.

  5. I know it might be difficult to admit because people are so proud of Obama, but DMX actually have a point...

  6. That KCi JoJo mess is the most tragic of all...

  7. as I was reading this list i was like....I know Soulja Boy is on here somewhere....ha! great list. That "its so cold in the D" song was the funniest ish I've heard this year though. LOL.

  8. Aretha responded from her Clock Tower in the Haunted Forest *dies*
    This list is ON POINT! R. Kelly is truly a walking nightmare, same for Soulja "Iliterate" Boy...they are making me shudder right now...and I had no idea about Joe and his foolishness...just mess
    Is there an abandoned island somewhere where we can dump the foolish? I think I'll write a letter to Obama and make that one of his first priorities as President...R. Kels and Soulja Boy are to be the first occupants

  9. this entire list is on point. except for the shot at paul wall, i actually like him. what it do?
    that t-baby vid is mad ignorant, but its funny as hell.

  10. What makes this list so funny (and sad at the same time) is that I read 8 out of 10 right here on Soulbounce and the side-eye kept us from seeing straight!
    Between T-Baby and T-Pain and Joe the Dumber...*sigh* I hope these weren't in any specific order because ALL of them are the hottest of ghetto messes!
    But I'm glad SB brought it to me from a G&S perspective instead of celebratory. . .

  11. I had to turn the T-Baby video off when I saw them head nodding in the parked Benz....baaahahahahaha

  12. That photo of Plies makes him look like he could be this dude's hypeman.
    Actually, that's an insult.
    But not to Plies.

  13. Peep this video of comedian Duval making fun of the R. Kelly video:
    On another note, why does Toure always get assigned to conducting interviews with bricks? Other than these 2 mentioned here, do you remember the one with Bow Wow? Lol!
    There was no need for that reaction from Aretha. She should not take what Beyonce says seriously. With all due respect to Beyonce's success and talent, she is not the sharpest tool in the box or have the best oratory skills
    Soulja Boy is a fool invoking some Sarah Palin ignorance but I will forgive him because it is clear that he has not set foot on the continent of Africa. And maybe because he has not been invited.
    Overall, great list. Had a great laugh and cry at the same time. Here is looking to a more sober 2009 with our man Barack!

  14. Aretha had the right to put Beyonce butt in check...and now you know who the The One and Only Queen is Aretha Franklin. As the great Blues Queen said Dinah Washington "ELIZABETH IS AN IMPOSTOR!

  15. are they for real with that T-Baby Joint!??!? Please say NO!!! lol!!! this list is hilarious!

  16. are they for real with that T-Baby Joint!??!? Please say NO!!! lol!!! this list is hilarious!

  17. I am just through. Seriously. This is the first I'm taking the time to watch a couple of these vids, although I had heard about it all. Sigh.
    I still blame that trick Kwame for that So Cold in the D mess. Watching that led me to another epic tragedy. That Let Me Smell Yo D*ck song.
    The title of the K-Ci/JoJo coulda also been "Am I My Brother's Keeper?" Hell, Guess Not.
    Great job on this.

  18. Avatar

    I'd heard about the K-Ci & JoJo incident, but never saw it...WOW! As crazy as K-Ci's reaction, or lack thereof, is--what's up with dude who just walks across the stage carrying on his biz, looks at JoJo sprawled out, then continues on backstage only to stand there and look like it was part of the show!!! My goodness..And the T-Baby video??? TGIF, becuz I very well may have gotten reprimanded for laughing so hard on a busier day LOL...

  19. Joe ain't dumb. Joe apparently has a clue and saw which way the wind is blowing probably due in part to, you know, his age and experience with the political process.
    Last I checked, a person has a right to either exercise the franchise or not to exercise the franchise.

  20. I disagree, Sondjata. If Joe possessed those convictions, then he wouldn't have said "I don't have a reason." I know a few people that can make passionate arguments as to why they won't participate in the process, and whether I agree with them or not, they are reasons that they are certain of and stand by. Joe clearly conveyed his apathy then relented when the TJMS put him on blast.

  21. All I gotta say is, I cant wait to use the word "nignorance" in a sentence.

  22. This is the greatest top 10 list I've read in weeks...
    That Souljah Boy mess is sickening btw