The Top 10 Most Lame Excuses By Wack Rappers

One thing we've frequently noticed about figures in Hip-Hop, particularly those in the mainstream, is that no one wants to be held accountable for anything. When their output yields positive results and feedback, they will happily take all the credit, while disasters are usually someone else's fault. Whether he wants to give himself a pass on bad behavior, bad music or laziness, a wack rapper will usually offer one of the following overused excuses:

10. "I don't freestyle."
This is uttered by rappers that are so busy worried about being profitable, making up new dances and Twittering that they can't bother to set aside time to hone their skills. "I don't freestyle" usually means "I can't freestyle." 

9. "Don't put me in a box" or (more specifically) "This is my 'party album.'"
A rapper says this when he knows his forthcoming album is garbage and wants to pre-emptively absorb bad reviews. This is a clever device, since it enables fans to fire back at negative critiques with "But he already said this was his party album so stop hatin'!"
8. "I did it for my seed."
Would this be the seed you always claimed, or the seed you had to be dragged into court to acknowledge? Inquiring minds want to know! This excuse is used not only in relation to poor musical output, but for whatever (illegal) hustling they engaged in before being signed to a deal. Get a new shtick! You're dripping in diamonds now, stop looking for sympathy.
7. "It was the soundman's fault."
Who's the universal scapegoat for bad rap concerts? Why, The Soundman of course! He astonishingly isn't at fault during the concert, but only upon the bad reviews of your show the next day. Newsflash: It's not the soundman's fault you paced back and forth on stage, bellowing incoherently into a microphone with your pants around your ankles for 2.5 hours. Blame the people that keep paying $40 to see that shit.
6. "How come no one complains about the sex and violence in video games (or TV, or movies, or rock music) but they wanna call out Hip-Hop?"
When a rapper feels like his music is unfairly attacked by the mainstream media or some public interest group, he'll usually defend it in this manner, having conveniently forgotten all the negative press and controversy games like Mortal Kombat and Grand Theft Auto received for being too violent or explicit. Additionally, he'll also block out the existence of NYPD Blue, Marilyn Manson, Madonna, etc., all so he can paint poor put-upon Hip-Hop as the perpetual victim.

5. "What about my right to Free Speech?"
Wack rappers that feel their music is under attack will suddenly be compelled to reach back to their 7th grade History or Civics class, in which they learned about the Bill of Rights. You will also find that a rapper that bitches about censorship is the same one that sells the most records, gets the most airplay and is accessible any and everywhere, whereas the talented rapper that can't get played on the radio and can't get his label to properly promote him almost never regurgitates his constitutional rights. Exactly who is being "censored" again?
 4. "This is my life; this is what I went through growing up in these streets!"
Some rappers will assume that because something "really happened to them" that it infuses their work with more integrity, which is inversely proportional to his level of talent. He will anoint himself a "street reporter" and contend that he's imparting the realities of the streets, specifically the streets on which he was raised since those are the most treacherous and bloody.
3. "This is just fantasy, like a movie!"
Depending on what argument the rapper is trying to win, his lyrical content is reflective of reality (see above) or it's just a "fantasy", like Die Hard or Lethal Weapon. He usually augments this excuse with item #6.
2. "The record label had a different vision than I had for this album."
This sort of excuse comes only after an album has a poor commercial response. Regardless of what the rapper's intentions were going in, there's typically no one to blame when it sells multiple units. But when it bricks it's a different story.
1. "--but I'm making that paper, though."
Frequently, when a popular rapper feels like his work or persona are being criticized, he (and his fans) will never use the rapper's talent as a defense. The rapper will never have to prove himself in a battle (because he can't freestyle, see #10) and he will never have to release a song that doesn't rely on a set formula or trend. Why? Because he's "making that paper."

At some point in his career, regardless of his music's declining quality, his "paper" gets so "long" that he can do and say anything without being held accountable or criticized, and anyone that has something to say about him is jealous of his money! Let us make this clear: they aren't jealous of Bill Gates' money, or Oprah's money, or Donald Trump's money. No no no. They are exclusively jealous of some frivolous rapper's money. Yeah, that makes total sense.

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11 Responses

  1. "Kcuf this rap s**t, I listen to class-i-kol" - © Baatin

  2. #4, 5 & 6 are just so ridiculously on point, it's not even funny. Great list Nova.

  3. "Uh...we don't freestyle."
    I remember when 2nd II None (who used to roll with DJ Quik) said that back in the day. Haven't heard from them since!

  4. great list. i love #7. why is rap the only genre that doesn't require its performers to be good... performers?

  5. Wow, how ironic that, plastered all around this article, are ads advertising "Hurricane Chris' new single 'Halle Berry (She's Fine)'---Watch The New Video"!

  6. #10 should have been number one:) great posting, hopefully all those kids who are currently under the RMM (Retard Music Movement) will read this.

  7. Very good list. Another one of my favorite excuses is "I did this album for me

  8. #7 is one of my biggest pet peeves. Truthfully if it is not a small intimate venue or someone whose songs I know all the words to, I am not going. Rap concerts generally suck, performance is a lost art...

  9. yah but there're rappers who dont freestyle and still write dope rhymes and make good music... so i dnt totally agree to the #1...