Empire Watch: What Goes Up Must Fall Down

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We’re then transported into an alternate reality, one in which Jamal walks into a scene out of 8 Mile where there’s an underground rap battle going on. There we see Black Rambo spit a verse weaker than decaffeinated coffee and get the crowd oohing and awwing. Jamal then steps to the stage and begins to...sing. Wouldn’t this be akin to bringing a knife to a gun fight? Again, this has to be an alternate reality. After singing a weird verse about being gay, he punctuates it with a falsetto “bitch” (OK, that was admittedly funny) and the crowd goes wild (while the at-home audience rolls their eyes). Cookie and the Takeover Bunch are also rolling their eyes, but for different reasons. Tricky Trichter’s son wants to be a rapper, and he’s super duper wack. But in order to get Tricky in on the Empire ambush, they have to sign him. And how do they plan to get this takeover poppin’, you ask? By catching Lucious in a *looks at camera and speaks in a stage whisper* scandal. Lucious is all types of foul, so that really isn’t that tall of an order.

Cookie and Vernon meet up for a heart to heart, in which she asks the burning question: Did Lucious kill Bunky? Of course he did, and Vernon tells Cookie so. Cookie’s worried that her plans will cause her to lose Jamal, but Vernon assures her that’s not the case and urges her to just talk to him and make it right. She does just that by paying a visit to Jamal while he rehearses a Michael Jackson rip-off for the concert. Upon seeing his mama, Jamal admits, “All my life, all I’ve ever wanted was for that man to love me.” Cookie lets him know that that’s all she ever wanted as well. But, as we know, Cookie’s gotta do what Cookie’s gotta do. Still she leaves him with this word: “No matter what’s going on between me and your daddy, I got you.” She also promises to keep the Bunky situation between Lucious and God, though I don’t think God likes the ugly that Lucious has been showing lately.

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Vernon is also in fence-mending mode and goes to Andre’s house to make amends as well. Ol’ bitter-ass Andre, however, ain’t hearing it. But, instead of arguing like normal folks, their convo goes from words to WWE Raw in 2.5 seconds. While the two of them commence to beating the living s**t out of each other, in walks Rhonda (where the hell she come from?) trying to break things up. She knocks Vernon upside the head with a candlestick like this is a hood version of Clue and helps her estranged boo off the floor. After they get all lovey-dovey about fixing their sham of a marriage, they realize that Vernon ain’t moving and a pool of blood has collected on their carpet. Oh s**t. While Andre’s first thought is to call the cops and an ambulance, Rhonda convinces him otherwise with two little words: “I’m pregnant.” Lawd.

At the NYSE, Empire is on the brink of being publicly traded, but Lucious, suddenly loyal, wants to wait on his boy Vernon. “Maybe he fell back off the wagon,” Andre suggests while his murderess wife looks on. Lucious goes ahead and pushes the button, ushering in a new era for Empire. We skip to the night of the concert and acts are taking the stage in honor of Lucious, even Hakeem and Jamal, who’s wearing the longest du-rag ever known to man on his head in tribute of his snake-ass father. Next up is Jennifer Hudson’s Michelle, who goes from sangin’ for the Lord to performing alongside Juicy J and telling ladies to twerk with relative ease on “Whatever Makes You Happy.” Lucious, meanwhile, is backstage soaking it all in. When Jamal walks in and asks him if he’s ready, he reveals something that he’s never told anyone, even Cookie, before: his real name is Dwight Walker. Wait, what he said? See folks, Luci -- I mean Dwight -- don’t even like himself. That’s OK, though, as Jamal has drank an entire truckload of Kool-Aid, has fallen under Lucious’ spell upon hearing his father utter those special words: “I love you, son.” It’d be touching if Lucious wasn’t the devil incarnate, but Jamal has stars in eyes.

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Too bad their father-son moment is broken up by the Feds. They’ve come to arrest Lucious for the murder of Bunky and they picked right before he goes on stage as the prime time to do it. I don’t like Lucious one bit, but even I think that timing is foul. Speaking of foul timing, Cookie comes to see what the commotion is about at the same time that Lucious realizes that her “parole officer” is actually a federal agent. Lu Lu makes the connection and accuses Cookie of setting him up and brainwashed Jamal now has beef with his mother (we get the feeling we’re not gonna like Jamal next season).

But, as always, the show must go on. Jamal takes the stage to perform “Nothing to Lose” with special guest Patti Patti. While he sings, in true Empire fashion, the world is discovering Lucious’ arrest as he does the perp walk. While walking, he sees a smug-looking Hakeem and Andre and immediately knows that they’re behind this. So y’all think y’all got a plan now, he says in voiceover, Think again. We also learn that everyone is looking for Vernon, including the Feds, as he’s the star witness in their case against Lucious. Welp!

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The season comes to a close with a montage of Jamal running tings at Empire’s offices, Andre and Rhonda having their first prenatal checkup, Anika managing Hakeem’s recording session and Cookie making herself at home at Casa de Slickback. We then end with Lucious behind bars as he and his god complex give an ominous voiceover. You may think you’ve gotten away with it, but don’t fool yourselves, this is just the beginning. See the streets couldn’t defeat me; disease couldn’t stop me; even God can’t kill me. The day will come when Lucious Lyon will return. And then we’re left with Lu Lu’s parting words, “Game time, bitches.”

And like that, season one of Empire is a wrap. The cards have definitely been set up for a juicy, drama-filled season two and we here at SBHQ are definitely ready for it. See you next season! -- D-Money

5 of 5Next

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